Thursday, November 08, 2007

Poison: Open Up and Say...Ahh!

I once saw a sign promoting poison awareness that prominently noted: “Not all poisons are poisonous.” For a poison awareness sign, that statement seems awfully pro-poison. Something the pro-poison council might post and try to pass off as awareness.

“Not all poisons are poisonous. Sure, they all have that smooth poison flavor. But poisonous? Preposterous.”

It’s bad enough the pro-poison council recruited Bret Michaels to promote their pro-poison agenda throughout the ‘80s and early ‘90s. Although anyone who watched “Rock of Love” knows his face has become a cautionary tale.

“Not all poisons are poisonous” also sounds like something a dumb assassin might say to cover a mistake.

Assassin: Here’s your steak and poison, um, that is to say… wine.
Victim: (Rubs hands together.) Mmm, finally. Wait… did you just say poison?
Assassin: Uh… yeah… but… not all poisons are poisonous.
Victim: Really?
Assassin: Yeah… I was referring to one of those delicious, non-poisonous poisons. I added it to your wine to make it more... winy.
Victim: Hmm. (Strokes chin.) I’m not buying this.
Assassin: Then, uh, I meant it like when a bartender says, “Pick your poison.”
Victim: And I picked wine.
Assassin: Exactly.
Victim: Well, I’m convinced. (Chugs wine.)

The victim in this scenario was dumber than the assassin.

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